I'm A Good Tenant, I Promise!

I can't even begin to sum up the craziness of the past few days. I was already stressed out about so many things and then my ceiling caved in, and now I'm trying to find a new apartment and move, but it's so difficult. In New York they practically require your firstborn child before they'll let you rent an apartment, and I'm not even talking about a super nice apartment. Here is what they require for the average apartment application:

A letter of employment
Verification of income
Letter from current landlord
2 years of tax returns
Copy of recent bank statement
Copy of state-issued photo ID
Credit check, with a fee of $50
A filled-out application asking for social security, birthdates, previous addresses and jobs.

Each person who's going to live in the apartment has to submit those things, and our combined income has to equal or surpass 50 times our month's rent. If not, we need a guarantor who makes 70 times the rent and who must also submit all of the above in addition to the renters' paperwork.

I found an apartment I really like, and I tried to bribe the real estate guy into just letting me rent it without having to give him all of the above, not because I have bad credit or anything, but because I just want to move and get it over with! But he wouldn't play along. I guess that's a good sign and it means he's probably honest and not going to take all the financial info I give him and steal my identity or anything. But come on--I just want my life to be normal again! I want a home that's not going to fall apart. And I want to get some sleep.