Friday, June 20, 2008

Let a Smile Be Your Umbrella

I can't go to sleep when its raining--I don't know why. In that sense I think I'm different from most people who get drowsy and content when they hear the patter of rain on the roof. Me, I get restless and my mind starts to go wandering. Then I'm up all night thinking about things. That's when a blog comes in handy!

It's been kind of a tough week. I was late to work a couple days ago for the first time. I'm usually early, but for once I left a few minutes late. Of course it was the day that the A-train stopped just before getting to Columbus Circle, and waited for 20 minutes while an inspector checked out a report of a person being on the track. They had to check under every car before we could continue. So I was late, and because some of the people I work with aren't very happy, there arose a stink about people coming in on time to help set up the store in time for it to open. Nobody got mad at me for being late, but I think my lateness that morning started a conversation about lateness in general, and now everyone has to start signing a time sheet as soon as they walk in the door each morning. It's ridiculousness like this that drives me crazy. Oh well.

That was a bad day, hectic at work, and then stressful because I suddenly realized that the clock is ticking and I'm supposed to be writing my Master's Thesis. I feel so behind in my research right now, but there's nothing I can do except get cracking and go live at the library for a while. I'm not going to feel better until I've got a ton of notes, so the sooner I start, the better.

Add to that stress the dress I'm crocheting. It's really fun, and I think I'm going to love it, but the pattern is making me crazy because it creates the dress from the bottom up instead of the top down, which I'm used to. I'm worried that I'm going to run out of yarn, or not finish in time for the event I want it for. The forefinger on my left hand has a groove from the yarn. And I'm a little bit afraid that I might have to take apart the whole thing and start over because it seems a little bit small.

Meanwhile, I'm planning a huge going away party for my dear roommate, who is moving back to California. It's going to be a great party, hopefully, but I'm not good at hosting parties, so the whole thing is worrying me.

The stress was really getting to me so I decided to do the only thing that seemed like it might work: say a prayer. And as soon as I did, I got the impression that I needed to just work on my Relief Society lesson (which I'm giving this Sunday--agh!), so it seems like I should have felt even more stressed out at that point. But I followed the prompting and got out my scriptures and read the talk from the Ensign, and felt immediately better. I guess it's good to know that as long as a person's priorities are straight, everything is going to be okay. In the long run, it probably won't matter how many days I spent at the library doing research, or how long it took me to crochet a dress, or that I was late to work one day. But it will matter that I was trying my best, seeking to do good things, reading my scriptures and seeking to know the Lord's will. It is comforting to know that all I really need to do is keep the commandments, and everything else will be okay. So I keep going.

I was thinking about this as I was walking to the subway today after work, and I saw a gorgeous clematis in bloom, growing up an otherwise dilapidated brick wall. In the middle of a chaotic and turbulent city that flower was growing, and it was beautiful, and that's all that mattered to it.

Now the rain has stopped, the lightning has passed on, and I'm going to go to sleep finally...

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