Mother

Well, I still have a few Harlem churches tucked up my sleeve, even though I'm trying to accept the fact that I'm not a New Yorker anymore. I still keep referring to "my roommates" even though I don't live with A and J anymore, for example. Now my family are my roommates, and they are all completely crazy, but I am enjoying living with them anyway in these weeks before my marriage. In fact, I love spending time with my mother. She loves to work in her garden, and she keeps chickens, and she also loves to do things with her hands, like hook rugs and knit sweaters. Everything I can do started with her teaching me how, or encouraging me to learn. She has always been the perfect example of a righteous woman, showing by example how to live a happy life full of richness. All the wonderful things that can be said about mothers can be said of her, and then even more. I love my mom, and am so grateful for her!

Bugs

The last few months I was in New York, I was keeping a horrible secret! If I told anyone, it could have meant social ostracization. People would have looked at me with a mixture of disgust and pity, and they would not wanted to come near my roommates or me, or even enter our house. What was this horrible secret, you ask? In New York it can only be one thing: bedbugs.

Back in March I got a couple of really nasty bug bites. I thought maybe there were fleas in the rug, so I took steps to kill them, but the bites persisted, and every few days I'd get a few new ones. However, my roommates were unaffected. When the flea poison didn't seem to do anything, I began to get scared. Bedbugs are a serious problem in New York. Posters on the subway cars and buses alert people to the rising population of the pests, which are extremely difficult to kill. I feared the worst. But I searched my bed and my room for signs of the nasty little creatures to no avail. I looked for the clues that websites said to look for, and came up with nothing. Even still, I began carrying a spray bottle of alcohol around and dousing all of my belongings with it. Almost every day I'd change my sheets and take my blankets to the laundromat. I washed every article of clothing I own. I sealed my mattress in a plastic cover. Still no sight of bedbugs, but still a few bites every so often. But I wondered if I was imagining it. Maybe the itching welts were caused by something else? Finally, in desperation, I wrapped my entire bed frame in packing tape, sealing every crack and crevice, so that if there were bedbugs hiding in the paper-thin cracks, they could not come out and bite me. I began sleeping with my light on to discourage them. Once a haven, my bed was now a war zone.

Finally one night after working on my computer late at night, I decided to go to bed. I went to pull back the covers on my bed, and underneath the blankets, there was a bedbug! Small and flat and disgusting looking, it was walking slowly along, probably looking for me. I immediately killed it with alcohol, put it in a ziploc bag, and threw it away. Then I searched my bed, every fold of the sheets, for more bugs, but didn't find anything. It was very hard to sleep that night, but I didn't get any more bites. I continued to change my sheets and wash my blankets and be on the alert, but I didn't find any more bugs after that one, and didn't get bit again the rest of the time I was in New York.

After all the public service announcements I've heard, all the websites, and all the horror stories, it's surprising to think that there was just one bedbug, but maybe I killed the others in my efforts, or maybe the one was just a random hop-on. Sometimes you're forced to stand or sit very close to other people on the buses and subways, and it's easy for the little bugs to crawl from one person to another. So, I don't think my apartment was infested, and there is no reason for anyone to be afraid to come over and visit my roommates. In fact, I think I was pretty lucky to live in New York for almost three years and not have a problem with bedbugs before this. That said, its definitely something I never want to have to deal with ever again! Now that I'm in North Carolina, where it's hot and humid and the perfect environment for insects, I've been getting lots of mosquito bites, but they are nothing compared to those bedbug bites. In fact, I feel silly complaining... but I still do. Why do bugs like to bite me so much?!

The Lazy South

New York is known for its hustle and bustle. Wherever you go in the city, there are lots of people going this way and that, taking care of business, getting things done, working it. Part of the reason is, most people just can't afford to be lazy in New York. The competition is fierce there, and if you don't step it up, you lose out. When I first moved to New York, I thought I would be overwhelmed by the pace of life, the hordes of people, the thick traffic, the abundance of things to do and see. With so much going on at once, how could one possibly do it all? But I wasn't overwhelmed, I just reveled in the knowledge that with so much out there, I would never be bored or at a loss of what to do. I picked and chose my activities, and packed my days full of work, play, and adventure.

Now here in the South, there is a lot for me to do: wedding stuff. I've got things to sew and bake, things to search for and buy, people to talk to, programs to organize, events to coordinate. There should not be a dull or lazy moment. And yet... in my parents' house, which is comfortable and large and full of food, I feel compelled to laze around in my pajamas and do little more than read a book or play minesweeper on the computer. I don't know what has come over me! If I go outside, the hot sun and languorous garden and trees all around me make me feel like doing nothing more than sitting on the porch swing and eating strawberries and watching and listening to fat bumblebees roll around in gorgeous peony blossoms, and fluffy roses droop like a quilt over the backyard fence. If I go in the backyard, I can't help but lay down by the pool and take a nap, an old and tired dog by my side. Wherever I go--the post office, the grocery store, the bank--I feel like everything is going slow and lazily along. So, I've accomplished nothing, but am having a delightful time not doing it. However, maybe today I will make a list of things to do, and get busy. Or maybe I will just get a bowl of ice cream and eat it in the garden by the pea patch, and watch the chickens hunt for grubs. At least someone is busy.

Last New York Weekend

This past weekend my dad and mom drove up to New York in their big old Chevy Suburban to load up my belongings and drive me back to North Carolina. I was so worried that all my things wouldn't fit in the back of the car, so I was giving stuff away right and left, but in the end it all fit perfectly, with room to spare, and we drove back home with no problems at all.

But before that long drive, my parents spent a few days with me enjoying the city. On Friday we walked down the street to Grant's Tomb, a national monument right by my apartment that I'd somehow never been to see. It was gorgeous, and so interesting. Nestled in a grove of plane trees atop a little hill, the domed structure was hung with patriotic bunting and houses exhibits on the life of Ulysses S. Grant, our Civil War hero and President. Grant is indeed entombed there, along with his amazing wife Julia Dent.

Nearby is Riverside Church, where charismatics such as Norman Vincent Peale once preached. Peale enjoyed a friendship with the LDS prophet David O. McKay, and several paintings by artist Heinrich Hoffmann that are owned by Riverside Church are often used in books and magazines by the LDS church, a legacy of that friendship. We wanted to see the paintings, but the church was full of highschool students from all over the country who had convened for a choir and band festival, and the room with the paintings was being used temporarily as storage. So instead we sat and enjoyed the music of a high-school band from North Carolina (which, despite being bassoonless, was pretty good) and wandered through the cathedral with its gorgeous soaring stained glass windows on the inside, and incredible ironwork and stone carvings on the outside.

Hopping on the subway, we headed downtown for a Shake Shack lunch, which we ate outside the American Museum of Natural History. While eating there, a Japanese tourist/stranger walked up to me and said, "Hi, it's me. Is there shake nearby?"

Then, it was back up-up-uptown, and a visit to the Cloisters, that branch of the Metropolitan Museum of Art devoted to medieval art. Sadly, despite my Met membership, I had never been there, and did not want to leave the city without visiting. And I loved it! Now I'm sad I didn't go more often, because it is so amazing and beautiful and full of the most wonderful things. The famous Unicorn tapestries are there, countless gargoyles, carved wood figures by Tilman Riemenschneider, ancient jewelry, famous altarpiece paintings, and much much more. There are also gardens, fountains, and a terrace overlooking the Hudson River, which was looking more beautiful that day than I've ever seen it: blue and gold above trees bursting into their summer greens. I felt transported to an Italy of yesteryear.

On the way home we wended through the gardens of Fort Tryon Park, and came across a pair of woodchucks, happily chewing on the underbrush near their massive ground-burrow. Home again, we got barbecue from Dinosaur, and finished the day happily sated and tired.

I'm Back!

Sorry about the long absence of posting... but I've had so much going on! I enjoyed my last week in New York, then moved back to North Carolina. Now I'm here, and it seems very strange that I won't be going back to my Harlem apartment with its Hudson River view, or spending time with my awesome roommates, or jumping on the subway and exploring the wonderful city. Did I have enough time to do everything I wanted to do? Of course not. But there is never enough time. I'll go back and visit the city again someday, and it will always hold such an incredibly fond place in my heart. But now New York's not my home.

However, I do need to write about some of the things I did in New York before I left. I also want to talk about my plans here in NC, and blog about all sorts of other stuff, but first things first. I'm still unpacking, and I've got a huge to-do list, and... trying not to turn into a frazzled bridezilla while I count down the days to the wedding (less than 2 months away!!!) and try to make it all come together. So, stay tuned. I'll definitely be blogging more often now that I'm here. But the question is, now that I'm not in New York any longer, should I change the name of my blog? Please vote in the sidebar poll, and tell me what you think. Thanks for reading!

Art at the MoMA

Friday was the most beautiful wonderful New York day! I made it a holiday of sorts, and devoted myself to the pursuit of pleasure. In my case, that means sunning in Central Park with a book and a crochet project. After a few hours of laying blissfully in the spring grass (it's kind of ironic to think that I've got to get my fill of laying in the grass while I can, here in New York City, because in North Carolina you can't lay in the grass unless you want to be eaten alive by ticks, fire ants, spiders and other scary monsters), eating a strawberry FrozFruit (my favorite Central Park food-vendor treat!) I meandered down to Whole Foods and ate a healthy lunch. Then I visited the Museum of Arts and Design in its new location at Columbus Circle. It's a wonderful small museum, with a wonderful collection of American jewelry, glass, and sculpture. Two of the floors were being installed with a new exhibit while I was there, so I was able to view the artists constructing their pieces on location, which was fascinating, as well as beneficial, because they gave me a free ticket for future admission since the exhibits weren't completed yet. I'll have to go back and see the completed exhibition, which looked very interesting. It focuses on art made from dead things (bones, fur, insects, seeds, wood) which might sound disgusting, but can be quite interesting. However, I have taken a stand against the use of insects and feathers in art, which I will no doubt blog about in the future.

After that, I went to the Museum of Modern Art, to visit for the last time in a long time, my favorite paintings there. While I was there, I decided to make a list of my favorite pieces in the MoMA. Of course, not all the paintings that the museum owns are on display, so there are probably other pieces they have that would be on this list, but as of now, these are my top five favorites at the MoMA:

Christina's World by Andrew Wyeth. I don't understand why this painting is relegated to a hallway next to the escalator. Well, I do know why, but it makes me mad. These days Andrew Wyeth is looked at as passe, little more than an illustrator who just painted in an almost photo-realistic style the same old bleak scenes around his country neighborhood, with nothing groundbreaking or controversial (to today's eyes) about them. The stark emotionalism, pathos, and subtle genius of this exquisite painting is lost on the hordes of teenagers and tourists that mill through the museum snapping their bubblegum and striking disco poses in front of more ridiculous works of art. The people pass right on by and don't realize they are missing out on one of this nation's artistic masterpieces.

Stuart Davis. I love anything by Stuart Davis. Currently on view is his Egg Beater V, a still life from his series that focused on egg beaters. Yes, the common egg beater is a strange and curious thing to do a series of paintings on, but Davis loved to paint things with rounded and interconnecting shapes and, as an object, what could be more interesting and than an egg beater? Davis imbued his paintings with a sense of humor and whimsy that isn't saccharine at all, but somehow straightforward and easy on the eye. Add whatever psychological implications you'd like, and you've got yourself a great piece of modern art.

Dance (1) by Henri Matisse. This is actually a study for a painting commissioned by a rich Russian merchant for his palace, but it's not much different from the final version, which was paired with a contrasting painting titled Music. And, similar to Christina's World, this piece used to hang in a corner of the museum behind a staircase, where I would seek it out and visit it alone, since no one else bothered to look over there at it. Gladly, they've moved it to a much more prominent place, where viewers can better admire the simple--primal--beauty of the composition: earth, heaven, and mankind joined in a beautiful circle of joy and dance. I just love it.

Vincent Van Gogh's Portrait of Joseph Roulin. Perhaps the most famous of Van Gogh's works, The Starry Night, hangs near this portrait, and steals all the attention away from it, which is fine with me, because it gives me more room to stare at the strange and beautiful head with its curly beard and feminine floral background. My favorite painting subject is the portrait--people's faces are the most interesting landscape there is--and Van Gogh imbues this one with all his roiling emotion, marrying a long tradition of stark German and Dutch portraiture with the vibrant colors and joyous mood of the South of France. The form of Roulin is solidly placed in the center of a whimsical background, perhaps mirroring the dynamics of the friendship between the old stolid postmaster and the mentally tormented young artist.

One: Number 31, 1950 by Jackson Pollock. So what's the big deal about the splatter painting? These days it's almost like been there, done that when you think about Jackson Pollock's signature style. Still, it's very hard not to be arrested by the sight of this painting when you enter the room where it is housed. Commanding an entire wall, it draws you into it's spell, and the painting is best viewed up close, where you feel surrounded by the frenetic motion of it's drips, splatters, strokes, and expression. I can't really explain Pollock's genius, except to say that he did what no one else had ever done before, and did it beautifully. His paintings make me think of writing, music, city-life, nature, humanity, chaos, and order.

Honorable Mentions: Drowning by Roy Lichtenstein and Campbell's Soup Cans by Andy Warhol. Both pop artists are iconic and these two pieces are excellent examples of their work. It's easy to think of these as silly or gimmicky, but they have an undeniable charm, and are so much more interesting in real life than on the pages of an art history book. Then there is one corner of the MoMA that I call the "De Chirico Corner" because there three pieces by this master of surrealism are all hung together (one of them is pictured here). I love De Chirico's bright palette, mysterious choice of subject matter, and bold, flat painting style. Every one of his paintings is a treat to look at. Oh, and I can't forget to mention the skinniest painting in the world! The Wild by Barnett Newman is an oil on canvas seven feet tall but only 1.75 inches wide, which is hilarious because it is hung next to one of his monumental works. It always makes me laugh.

Last but not least, in the "Too Amazing to Categorize" category, is Picasso. Picasso was an utter and undeniable artistic genius, and I can't put him in my list of favorites because there are too many amazing pieces to choose from. His long and extremely prolific career is in an artistic universe of its own, so I'll just write a whole separate post about him later.

I recommend a visit to the MoMA for anyone. Among the pieces I've mentioned, the museum also houses incredibly famous paintings such as The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali (you know, the one with the melting watches) as well as some of the most revolutionary paintings in modern art history, such as Picasso's Les Demoiselles D'Avignon. There is always some crazy special exhibit going on, too, so it's always a fun place to go.

Also, later I'm going to blog about crazy things I've seen happen at the MoMA, the art that "anyone could do" and the stuff that just looks like something you might find in a Harlem alleyway.

Goodbye Harlem Churches

The people of Harlem are full of faith, said our stake president today as he gave a talk on the importance of doing missionary work in our own neighborhoods. He said that there are more churches concentrated in Harlem than in any other place in the United States. I readily agree with him, and I hope to have a chance to walk the streets of Harlem this week before I move away, to go down the little streets I have yet to venture down, and capture more pictures of churches so that I have a store of them to pull out and share even when I am no longer a resident of this faithful place.

Shoes of Silver and Gold

I bought these little silver flats several years ago, to wear with a vintage ballgown to a fancy work event. They were some of the most expensive shoes I've ever bought (which isn't even that expensive, really), but their price was justified because they are cute, comfortable, and have made me look cute on many an occasion since then. At first I used to treasure them and only wear them for special occasions, to keep them nice. Now, they are nearing the end of their lives, and the New York City streets have worn them down to paper-thin soles and shredded silver leather. I've been wearing the heck out of them these past few weeks as I've traipsed all over town. As I try and pare down my belongings to a manageable move, I figure I might as well wear these shoes out to their last thread and then ditch them on my way out of town. But they're holding up really well, and maybe they'll still have enough life in them to see North Carolina again.

These silver shoes and I had a great time yesterday, walking all over town. It was a shopping day! Even though I can't afford anything, I decided to go walk around all the fancy stores, starting with Bergdorf Goodman. More like a museum visit, a trip to Bergdorf's for me is to stare in wonder at the intricately made dresses, the artful displays, the luxuries spread before my eyes. Bloomingdales was pretty much the same, although if I was dedicated about it I might have been able to find something semi-affordable on a sales rack. But like I said, I'm trying to downsize my personal collection. I did buy some makeup, however, as Christian Dior was having a rare free-gift promotion and I do love their foundation. A crazy Chinese makeup lady pancaked me up with it, going a little overboard, but if I use a light touch, it will work wonders for my wedding day complexion.

Speaking of the wedding day, it started to rain while I was walking downtown towards Saks so I ducked into Nine West and tried on some shoes I'd seen the other day. I think they will be perfect with my wedding dress. Pale gold and retro, and very me! The dress is still at the cleaners, so I can't really tell, but I think they will look perfect. I also stopped in the fashion district and bought some fabric to match my dress, because somehow I have to construct sleeves for it. It was very hard trying to find the perfect match--my dress is around 60 years old! But I found some silk satin that seems to be pretty darn close. I'll begin the alterations when I get back to North Carolina--it's too much of a project to start here when I'm about to move. I don't want to rush or make any mistakes.

My day of shopping took me to Saks, Macy's, and then down to So-Ho, and back up again. My treat of the day was Pop Burger, which is definitely in my top three cheeseburgers of New York. The chocolate shake was delicious too! Sitting outside the Apple store, people watching, drinking a chocolate shake--this is the type of New York experience I love and am going to miss.

Spring Storm in Harlem Town

I've only got one more week until my mom and dad drive up here in their big old suburban and help me move back down south. That's only seven more days to fill up with all the things in New York I've never had time to do! I don't think it's even possible. Anyway, I've got to get organized about it, because yesterday I wasted all my time just wandering around the streets of Harlem. I did laundry, so that was useful, and then I decided to try and find a thrift shop where I could donate a bunch of stuff I've been winnowing out of my belongings (the suburban will only be able to fit so much stuff!) but the closest ones that came up on a google search turned out to not exist (a common problem with businesses in Harlem) so I ended up walking all the way across town to the east side, where there is a big Goodwill store. But over there, there is also a lot of scary neighborhoods. Maybe they just seem scary to me because I'm not from there, but it seems like there are more poor loiterers, beggars, and "street" guys over there. I made sure to walk quickly and with a purpose, eyes making contact with no one. I passed groups of men loitering under "No Loitering" signs, and guys playing chess in a housing project playground, men doing the "Harlem shuffle," and I passed a lot of really interesting churches, but I didn't have my camera, so I might have to go back!

As I walked, I encountered one of the problems with life on Manhattan. No matter which way you walk, the wind is blowing against you. Scientists ought to come here and study this phenomenon, because it is truly perplexing. The liner of my rolling cart acted as a sail, and the dust from the streets pelted my eyes, but when I could open them, I looked downtown and saw a big storm rolling up the island. Skyscrapers in the distance were ensconced in a dark blue haze, and the clouds were lowering. It was a long walk, but I dropped off the items and then hightailed it home, arriving just before big fat drops of rain began to fall.

But I was going out to meet friends downtown, so I quickly got ready and then dashed out the door and over to the subway. I didn't even bring an umbrella, but it was okay because when I arrived at Grand Central Station and came up from the underground, the rain had come and gone already. While the storm rolled up the island of Manhattan, I had passed underneath it and come out the other side. Ah, spring weather!

Random Update on My Life

Dried cranberries from Fairway are my new favorite snack, and I'm eating them now and getting my keyboard all sticky, but I have to eat something because I'm starving and my roommates aren't coming home for another hour, but when they do we're going to have an enchilada feast with nachos too, and fancy cream soda, and even a few guests. But it's been a long time since lunch, a dried out street kebab on a bun, eaten on my too-short break from my too-long work day. The Park Avenue Armory has been my home for the past five days as I've been working the SOFA show. I'm ready for it to be over, but tomorrow is the last, longest, day. And I've got no Harlem church picture to post today because I have had no time to even take pictures. All my waking hours have been spent working. Then again, the work is kind of fun. Despite being on my feet all day on an old creaky wooden floor, I've been surrounded by a magnificent assortment of sculpture, jewelry, and objects d'art. Each exhibitor surpasses the next, and the pieces are all truly amazing. And I get to wear some pretty spectacular jewelry. Today I was bedecked in a silver spider-web made of delicate chain that draped over my shoulders and fell around me like a shimmery veil. It attracted much attention, which I could then deflect to the artist, who was there with me, putting her jewelry on any woman who stopped long enough. Then there are the people, the shoppers, the rich aesthetes of New York. One-of-a-kind would describe each one, each trying to surpass the other with her arts and crafts clothing, huge chunky jewelry, and artfully sculptured hair and makeup. Or, they are so rich and eccentric that they look like they've wandered in from a Central Park bench, and don't care. One woman today was describing to me an item of jewelry she owns, a very expensive item, which "must be somewhere but I can't find it under all the newspaper." It's times like this that make me think that wealth is wasted on the rich. If I had money to spend on those sorts of things, I would do a much better job of it. For one thing, I wouldn't make myself look like a clown to show off my wealth, and I wouldn't lose my treasures in a messy house. I would, however, take taxis everywhere instead of running in my heels all the way from Park Avenue to Madison in order to catch the crosstown bus that took me to the subway train where I had to wait a full half hour for my train to come and give me a very slow ride uptown with very interesting underground views of noisy construction work. Yes, I would be fine spending my money on taxi rides.

Stress!

So what if I have been laying in my bed for the past 3 hours watching old episodes of America's Next Top Model? It's better than doing nothing. ...oh. Well, I just needed an escape for a moment. This week I've been sucked back into work, to help with a special event, and it is stressing me out. Add the stress of wedding planning, and I just don't feel like thinking or doing anything at the moment! It's a shame though, because New York is at its absolute most beautiful right now and, while I have been trying to enjoy it as much as possible, I resent having my time taken up with unneeded stress. Sigh... But the week will go by fast, and by this time next week it will all be over with! Then I'll have about ten more days to enjoy the beautiful city before saying goodbye to it. What do I plan to do? Visit musuems, walk through the parks, go to the opera, see sights, take pictures, party with friends, and generally just enjoy and revel in each moment and place. Oh, and pack!

Mt. Olivet

The Harlem church of the week... from the side. With its neoclassical columns, this church looks more like a bank, and maybe it used to be one. The churches of Harlem often spring up in buildings once used for other purposes.

Bad Day

Bad Things About Today:

1. I had to go to work.
2. When I got home from work the freezer was open all by itself and everything was melted.
3. I went dress shopping and had a good time but didn't find my dream dress.
4. My ipod suddenly stopped working and nothing will revive it.
5. I got lost on the subway to Queens.
6. I got three bug bites (I'm a magnet, I tell you!)
7. The friend's number that I thought I had is mysteriously not in my phone (and I don't like my new phone either.)

Sigh...

Good Things About Today:

1. I got to see people that I like at work.
2. C sent me an adorable e-mail, like he does every single day (I am so lucky!)
3. The weather was SOOO gorgeous, and the city so pretty.
4. Last night my roommate bought me an apple fritter (okay, so it was last night, but last night falls within the span of the last 24 hours.)
5. I learned about the Amber Room.
6. I witnessed a completely freakin' crazy person acting like a cat in the 14th Street 1 station. (ha ha! I'm so glad this is on the good list!)
7. I got to hang out with my stylist Rachel and shop for wedding dresses, which is fun even when its fruitless.

So you see, there were good things that happened today. I'm trying to look on the bright side! But I'm so sad about my ipod!

The Dress Dilemma

Trying to find the perfect wedding dress is so much more frustrating and harder than I ever thought it would be! C says I just have a low tolerance for things I find to be below my standards of aesthetics and taste. That's a nice way of saying I'm picky and a snob. Well, I guess I'm owning it, because I really have had very little luck finding wedding dress options. They are all either strapless, practically strapless, too tiny, too fairy-princess, too youthful debutante looking, too Vegas, too winter-wedding, trashy, or just plain ugly. Or too expensive! Sigh. Money is wasted on the rich. However, I am not completely without options.

Option 1: The Project
In a moment of weakness and a perfect example of good salesmanship, I purchased a dress from Cheap Jack's Vintage. It has lovely lines and structure, but is definitely a fixer-upper. Simple and sweet, it has a portrait neckline with short capped sleeves and a front panel that frames a sort of sweetheart bodice that is fitted with darts and then flows down to the floor. Made of chiffon, it flows nicely and fits me perfectly. But the sequins are horrible, the material old and tired, and the dress itself unlined. So I bought it thinking I could easily just unpick all the seams, lay it out on some gorgeous new satin or silk and make myself a brand new dress using it as a pattern. I don't think it would be hard at all. The question is... do I want to take on such a project? I'm an okay seamstress, but don't know if I trust myself with such an important task. What if I botched it?

Option 2: The Pretty
On Saturday I went shopping all over Brooklyn and Manhattan with my dear friend Rachel, hitting all the best vintage stores we knew about, hoping to hit the jackpot and find the perfect dress. In between stops we happened to pass a store that wasn't on our list, but looked promising. There we found a wedding dress from the 1960s with a lacy high-neck, empire waist, and long frilly train. It had long sleeves and glued-on pearls, but it fit me perfectly and all the gay-guy employees of the store were oohing and ahhing and calling me resplendent. Plus it was only $36! So I had to get it. When I got it home I cut off the long sleeves, which made it much cuter, and tried it on a few more times. Everyone loves how I look in it, but I don't know if it's really me. When I wear it, it sort of seems like I'm in a costume, not my own wedding dress. Maybe it's the zipper that does that. For some reason I feel like having a zipper on the back of a wedding dress cheapens it. Is that crazy? I think a real wedding dress should have hooks and eyes or a row of gorgeous buttons. Something more heirloom than a zipper. Then again, the dress fits me very well and is quite pretty.

Option 3: The Perfect
My perfect dress has not been found yet, but I feel like I'll know it when I see it. It is long and lean, without a train or a puffy skirt. It is simple and yet has beautifully intricate details that make it special. It feels comfortable and is unfussy, yet formal. It is glamorous and unique, mature but feminine. I don't want to look like a little girl or a matron, but like a beautiful woman. Will I ever find the perfect dress? Only time will tell. The search continues...

Pretty

Nothing is prettier than spring flowers! Also, I fulfilled a lifelong desire this weekend when I decided to buy the clementines with the leaves on. They are so pretty!

Church of the Crucifixion

Coming upon this church, in the middle of old Harlem brownstones, is like coming across a large mushroom in the woods. You wonder how it happened to grow there, and what it's purpose is. I had to look closely to even see doors on this building, and I wonder how dark it is on the inside. The iron gate around it is spiked, like the spears of Roman soldiers.

Well, today is Easter, so thoughts of the Crucifixion and of the Resurrection have been on my mind. I'm so grateful to know that although Jesus was crucified, He was resurrected, and in so doing he brought about the salvation that makes my life infinitely more meaningful and hopeful. Because of His sacrifice, my sins can be forgiven, and I can be made whole again, spiritually and physically. It is such a profound gospel principle that I can hardly even understand, but my spirit feels hope and joy because of it, and I know it to be true.

Happy Easter!

Spring-Time in New York

Spring has come to New York! It's beautiful. I'll be walking down the street and become suddenly arrested by the sight of daffodils or yellow and pink tulips or electric blue hyacinths, springing forth from little patches of earth within a huge gray concrete city. In the park, clouds of bright green among long-barren branches signal the emergence of new life. Blossoming trees take my breath away. This morning I walked around Roosevelt Island, where it was warm and sunny enough for people to be out grilling. Pretty soon they'll be turning on the AC and wearing mosquito repellant. For the moment though, it's just right.

Even though I was only gone for a week and a half, since I've returned to New York I feel like I've been gone for a year! Maybe it's the fact that Spring has come to the city that was still in Winter when I left it, or maybe it's the fact that I had such a wonderful time in North Carolina that I forgot all about New York, or maybe it is that I'm no longer working and feel free and renewed. I'm able to wake up each morning and plan my day with things that I want to do and see, and not be tied to a work schedule. This is such a luxury, and so far removed from just a few weeks ago, when I was a slave to my job. The last time I wasn't either working or in school was the year 2000. Eleven years ago. I think I deserve a break! So I plan to enjoy myself this month. Of course there will be things to do like pack and plan, but for the most part, I intend to enjoy these Spring days to the fullest, just soaking in the beauty and energy of this city that is so alive, and sprouting more life each day.