Monday, January 12, 2009

The Uncommon Cold

I have a cold! Yesterday I knew it was coming--I could just tell that something wasn't right, but I didn't want to admit it. This morning I woke up all stuffed up and scratchy-throated and it was all downhill from there. What a way to start the week. And such a busy week at work, too! There will be no possibility to call out sick--I'm way too responsible. And if I get all my coworkers sick? Who cares--they are probably the ones that got ME sick.

No, actually, I think it was my roommate's subletter. S is gone for a month, so she got a subletter, who is really nice and great, but the moment she moved in she started coughing and sneezing on everything! I did my best to wash my hands all the time and stuff, and it was kind of annoying because she was blaming us for having really dry heat in our place, but we can't control the pipes, and anyway, she was already infected when she got here, so it's not our fault. It's her fault for bringing the germs, and now I have to suffer! No, I'm not really angry--she's a really nice person--but ugh. I hate being sick! I'm not going to be able to smell anything for 2 weeks, and I'm going to be walking around with tissues everywhere. I demand to know why there is not a cure for the common cold!

Sure, just get some Zycam, you say. Well, I was going to do that, but I was so stuffed up in my head that I forgot to put my wallet in my bag, so I ended up downtown with no money. So it's too late for the Zycam. And unfortunately, after years of taking antihistamines for allergies, I think I'm immune to all of them. I've been taking Tylenol cold medicine, but it doesn't really do anything except make me feel like a zombie. The best cold medicine there ever was used to be the Alka-Seltzer tablets that you'd dissolve in water and then drink really fast because it tasted so bad. But something happened and they took out the main ingredient (because people were using it to make meth or something) and now it does nothing for me. That used to be my sure-thing cold remedy. On the radio I heard a lady say that you just have to coat your feet in Vicks Vap-O-Rub, put on some socks, and in the morning you'll be all better because the congestion will be drawn down out of your head. And I took a look at the Vicks at the Rite-Aid tonight when I finally went after work, but I just couldn't bring myself to spend 6.99 on a remedy that sounds kind of crazy. Plus, it's too hot in our house to sleep with socks on. So, I guess I'm just going to have to feel like a zombie for a week or so until my immune system wins the war against the weird cold virus thingys.

E wants to know what the deal is with the cold virus anyway. Apparently scientists argue about whether its actually alive or not. To some people, it seems more like a robot than an organism. It certainly looks like one. It's pretty freaky to think that my body is full of these things right now! What do they want with me? IMy best guess is that its a conspiracy by ABC and Orville Redenbacher to infiltrate me to the point that all I feel like doing is curling up on the couch, watching horrible reality TV and eating microwave popcorn.

But seriously, I think they are transmitting some kind of signal because this morning right after I woke up my mom called me and asked me what was wrong. She had awakened with a feeling that I was experiencing some kind of doom and gloom. I guess I'm not the only psychic one in the family. I don't think I'm depressed, but then again maybe I am now. Ug. Sick!

1 comment:

Donnie Barnes said...

Seems the immune system may be just as big a mystery as the cold virus. If we knew more about it we could figure a way to enhance/boost/accelerate the response to these things, at least. So far all we seem to have are symptom relievers that don't work well or we build up a tolerance for. I'm like you, not much seems to affect me in the way of drugs. *sigh*